More than a year ago I started a business. I did so because, while I believe God has called me to be a pastor, I also believe He has called me to fulfill that role without financial dependence on the local church. I made this move with the support of the people in our faith community; and that “support” was financial as well as spiritual.
It was a move to what’s called a “tentmaking” ministry, and its a growing trend in Christian communities around the country. But what’s different about this strategy is that its not simply something I do until there’s enough people coming to my church so I can go “full-time.”
This was a lifestyle change; one that’s been much more difficult than I imagined. You see, a year after I took this step most of the people that had been a part of our faith community left. The financial support I had planned on during the transition was gone. The plan was…a slow decrease in financial support from my church with a corresponding slow increase in income from my business. My hope was that our people would continue to give (something they did quite faithfully, I might add) and that those resources could be re-directed to meet other needs in our community.
The plan kind of…um…failed…kind of.
For a variety of reasons, all the members of our community we called “The Crux” left to pursue ministries elsewhere. There was much saddness in all of this, but the good news is that the relationships (to a person) remained intact. In a way I don’t fully understand, it seems as if the unity of the Spirit was maintained even in the dissolution of a church. That humbles and amazes me.
So, at the start of a new year I find myself the owner of a struggling new business (as all of them are) and a “pastor” by gifting and not title. This year my family and I will be opening our home as a place for community and spiritual nurture. We truly believe that the front door of our house IS the front door of our church. We will eat, pray, study, sing and…hopefully…laugh much with the families God leads to us.
I would truly appreciate your prayers and if anyone out there has walked this road before me…
I could use your wisdom.
January 18, 2007 at 7:12 pm
I have been down that road… Not in the exact way that you describe, but quite similar. I recognize the feeling of breaking up in peace. Almost as if it happened as Gods doing.
I felt stupid – like I was the only one who didn’t hear from God. It felt like I had failed, but there was no one to ask forgiveness of, no one was hurt… except me.
Now, with a few years passed I can see that the whole thing WAS fruitful. The people I had gathered where not intended to be the core of a new church. They where meant to do what I did, and I was instrumental in releasing them into that. I am so thankful for God showing me that part of my gifting – to mentor people into ministry. I also realize now that I was trying to build a church according to a blueprint in my head. Had we continued, I would have demanded of people to fill the “roles in my script”, and I know now that that is not how it works.
I believe now, that there is no blueprint, no script, apart from “The kingdom of God is here!” and we are responsible to act that out with the people God leads to our door. We are a church now, but we are nowhere in the vicinity of my blueprint.
My confidence in my own ability to hear and understand God got a good beating in the whole process, of course. It all boiled down, in the end to a hurt pride. I had shared my heart, my vision with people. I had stepped out and really given it a lot of effort, I had thought that I, God, and the people had an agreement, had made a covenant.
Through the way it all happened (no one being hurt etc.) there was really only one thing to do – trust God, and risk it again. The only other option would be to keep saying I was right, and that the others – and God – has failed me. I seriously think I heard God the first time – I don’t think he would have gotten me to risk all unless he had talked about a church, and I seriously believe that he called the rest of the people away. In the end, the only casualty in the process was my pride, and it has been starting to show signs of not being all dead either….
No one has questioned my ability to hear God (except me). Some of the people still remain my best friends.
Allow yourself to mourn your dream. Allow God and others to minister to you. I believe you are right where God wants you.
I prayed for you earlier today, and I think God showed me your heart.
You have a beautiful heart! There is a tremendous capacity for unconditional love there – love for those who others don’t count on. Let it bleed clean. Let it heal and continue aching for the people you want to reach. I don’t believe you will have to gather a new team of the same quality you had. Work with what God gives you. I am not sure they will all have it all together, some may be mentally of physically disabled, but you will bring out the best in them.
If I have said too much, I ask your forgiveness.
Blessings!
January 19, 2007 at 12:38 am
I understand the place you are right now. We have been there and sometimes I wonder if we are there again. I think the previous commenter hit on a very applicable word: risk. Following God by faith is taking a risk, opening up your home for fellowship is taking a risk, trying to pursue your life with others knowing that you are gifted as a pastor is taking a risk. But if the risk you are taking is one of pursuing God’s leading in your life, it is worth everything that may occur in that journey.
Be blessed in your journey and know that there are others who are walking the same path and are here to encourage you.
January 23, 2007 at 11:05 pm
when you have people over for coffee or dinner….play mad gab….nothing else
trust me it’s good therapy
January 31, 2007 at 7:28 am
I’m not sure how to interpret the lack of reply or response to my comment. I guess I have insulted you, and that you didn’t want me to be part of the conversation in the first place. I am sorry if I have intruded and meddled with things that were non of my business.
January 31, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Pastor Astor,
PLEASE forgive my lack of response. There was absolutely NO insult or offense taken! I’ve been battling chronic pain due to a hip injury and spend much of my time these days in a fog. (hip replacement is around the corner!) These days I’ve been very slow to respond to much of anything. Your words were kind and insightful; kind of like the Holy Spirit! I welcome your dialogue on my journey. Again, I apologize for failing to respond.
Shalom,
tp
February 2, 2007 at 11:35 am
Thank you !
February 17, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Tom,
I was one who left your latest faith community, though I only attended “The Crux” a few times several years ago. If that brief interaction along with several inquiries and brief discussions that I had with more regular attendees gives me enough to comment upon it, then I’d say that the “The Crux” failed because so many who came to “The Crux” came with their own agenda. For some it was to protest the church we shared previously (that “The Crux” grew out of so to speak); for others it was a chance to perform; for others it was an opportunity to get in “on the ground floor” in the hope of becoming an elder, leader or church founder; still others it was a chance to do church as they saw fit. That was my impression of it all and I confess to my shame, that though I attended only briefly that I was wholly complicit in it all and did nothing to help you. When my pride was pricked, I basically cut and run rather than humbling myself in the face of a disagreement with you. Please forgive me, brother.
As to your questions…..I’m sure you know that the model Tentmaker also said to the Corinthians that it is right that the preacher of the Gospel should receive their living from the Gospel, even though that Paul himself deferred accepting money from them for their own sake, so I don’t believe that there is a great issue here as to whether a pastor accepts wages or not for his work – provided that he remain a faithful and fervent preacher of the Gospel.
But your success as a pastor is not about how many you shepherd or will shepherd, it’s about being resolved to the promises of Christ and being so filled with a satisfaction in him that your very nature becomes contagious or as the case may be, antagonistic to those who refuse to believe. Christ in you, more and more, day by day is what you must strive for and by this God will certainly bear much fruit through your joy, just as he has already done so. Seek him through delighting in and applying his Word. Seek him through prayer convinced that he has called you for a great work according to his will.
Also, I have learned first hand and now still learn that our broken moments are the most precious moments. So let me encourage you not to waste or overlook them. Embrace a broken heart as God’s gift and let the pain spur you all the more to humble yourself and to throw yourself before the Lord Jesus for mercy and grace. Correction is wonderful! It shows us that we are sons of the Living God and it refines us to carry out his work. Our sovereign Lord will unfold his plan for you and I’m convinced that you will show his wisdom, mercy and compassion (things that are evidently now within you) to others again should you continue to abide and submit to his Word and seek him in everything you do.
March 26, 2007 at 7:57 am
I am only, too painfully aware, of the ‘companions’ (taunts, temptations and triumphs)that accompany us on the journey which you have (accurately and honestly) described. I can assure you of one thing … you are NOT alone!
My journey, is not unlike your own, and over the past several years I have been finding that there are indeed many ‘out there’ searching for the same thing. Not a better way of ‘doing’ Church, or a new model; not even the latest ‘move of God’; BUT … God himself, in the form of an increasing intimacy of relationship with Christ!
Christ alone, turns our many painful, but necessary ‘crucifictions’ into ‘resurrection’ triumphs!
I am still discovering the way forward while ‘tent-making’ myself, and seeing less ‘fruit’ than I would otherwise have expected. I too understand the significance of dying to ‘fulltime ministry’.
My suspicion is, that we are being emptied out (like Christ) to contain an even greater revelation of ‘being’ Church.
As ‘fore-runners’ of a new day in Christ, we are living in a period of great transition -between the old forms and the new way – a period of rapid change that requires radical obediance. A period characterised by intense alone-ness; and familiarity, not with persons or even answers; but with a personal and often painful ‘wilderness exerpience.’
I can hear the cry, if I listen closely … “Repent for the Kingdom of GOD is at hand (once again)!!